canon vixia hf r800
so i’ve owned this camcorder since 2017 but never had the confidence to point it towards my face, speak up, record something true & authentic, something i’d be proud of, something i’d like to share with the world.
and i always wondered why i never felt confident enough to show myself.
after years of introspection i realized it had less to do with confidence to be in front of the camera and more to do with feeling safe enough to express myself.
as a child, i was a girly girl who had no trouble expressing herself - not with words so much but with clothes and colorful makeup.
somewhere around my teen years, incidents including being shamed by school teachers for wearing short skirts, being leered at by strange men because of my outfits - really shut me down.
i could no longer wear the clothes that made me light up (a way of self-expression) without worrying about my physical safety. it sort of closed me down to the world and life lost it’s color ☹️
i think most people know that india isn’t a safe place for women but they don’t know to what extent - rape has always been a huge social issue and i remember reading news articles blaming women and their attire for being raped + sexually assaulted.
today i’m lucky to live in south korea, where i can literally wear anything i want to wear without worrying about my safety or without being shamed for my clothing choices (as long as its tasteful?)
although physical safety is no longer an issue, being a girl in IT, i often feel the need to dress more masculine or nerdy (internalizing societal beliefs)
but it’s time for me to unblock & open up (consciously), let in more light and color and cute outfits
back to the camcorder - now its safer to be as i naturally am and with the sureness that comes, i feel more capable of getting creative with the camera.
i wanna share this quote by Teal Swan: “if you want a life worth living, your truth cannot always be conditional upon safety.”
Do You Need It to Be Safe In Order to Be Honest?
People are wired to avoid pain. We go to great lengths to stay safe and to avoid consequences. Unfortunately, this aversion to negative consequences also extends to our relationship with honesty. We can talk about the importance of making human society a place that is more conducive to honesty. B...