on self-expression and feeling safe
on self-expression and feeling safe

on self-expression and feeling safe

Jun 15, 2022
canon vixia hf r800
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so i’ve owned this camcorder since 2017 but never had the confidence to point it towards my face, speak up, record something true & authentic, something i’d be proud of, something i’d like to share with the world.
and i always wondered why i never felt confident enough to show myself.
after years of introspection i realized it had less to do with confidence to be in front of the camera and more to do with feeling safe enough to express myself.
as a child, i was a girly girl who had no trouble expressing herself - not with words so much but with clothes and colorful makeup.
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somewhere around my teen years, incidents including being shamed by school teachers for wearing short skirts, being leered at by strange men because of my outfits - really shut me down.
i could no longer wear the clothes that made me light up (a way of self-expression) without worrying about my physical safety. it sort of closed me down to the world and life lost it’s color ☹️
i think most people know that india isn’t a safe place for women but they don’t know to what extent - rape has always been a huge social issue and i remember reading news articles blaming women and their attire for being raped + sexually assaulted.
today i’m lucky to live in south korea, where i can literally wear anything i want to wear without worrying about my safety or without being shamed for my clothing choices (as long as its tasteful?)
although physical safety is no longer an issue, being a girl in IT, i often feel the need to dress more masculine or nerdy (internalizing societal beliefs)
but it’s time for me to unblock & open up (consciously), let in more light and color and cute outfits
back to the camcorder - now its safer to be as i naturally am and with the sureness that comes, i feel more capable of getting creative with the camera.
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i wanna share this quote by Teal Swan: “if you want a life worth living, your truth cannot always be conditional upon safety.”